


Hustling In A Church

by SupernaturalMystery306



Series: SPN Crack [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blasphemy, Defiling a church, F/M, It's not really hustling, M/M, Nude photomanips of Lisa, Polyamory, The Incredible Hulk merchandise, The word "hustling" actually has bad connotations to it, Yes that is a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-10
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6175084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupernaturalMystery306/pseuds/SupernaturalMystery306
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A night of hustling with Dean leads to interesting consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hustling In A Church

**Author's Note:**

> *evil grin* *drumroll*
> 
> This is the tip of the iceberg, my friends.
> 
> I admit that this is not my own work. It was a fricking smut generator where I found this. After some heavy editing, I've come up with this, but the original can be found [here](http://spacefall.co.uk/b7/slashme.php).

Late one night, Benny was walking towards the table, hoping to get some liquor into himself. He was tired from a long day of having sex with Castiel. Who knew the angel could be such a minx? He sighed, exhausted, but unwilling to sleep.

Recently, he had been dreaming of the same thing every night. Vivid dreams of hustling Dean. Oh god, thinking about Dean had an immediate effect on Benny. He groaned lightly as he ran a finger down is cock through his pants.

He was just about to start masturbating when Castiel appeared. Benny dove under the table. The tablecloth lightly swished as it was moved to the side. The angel had nearly seen him, and the vampire was not in the mood for confrontation. He sighed. When had his life- his  _undead_  life- turned into such a porno?

As he heard the sound of Castiel's footsteps grow fainter, he was about to get out when he saw he had company.

His jaw dropped as Dean, who was unaware of his arrival, groaned and bucked up into his hand, head lolling backwards at the intense feeling of pleasure. 

Benny didn't know what to do. On one hand, he really wanted to let Dean know that he was there, on the other, he wanted to keep watching the show the human was putting on, and maybe get his own fun. His hand ghosted over his cock, and as he was about to push his trousers down, Dean's back arched and he cried out, "Benny!"

The vampire stilled. Ripping his hand away from its treacherous path, he coughed awkwardly.

Dean jumped, and cursed as his head thumped against the table. "What are you doing here?!"

Benny resisted the urge to rub the poor man's head. He was adorable. With an unconvincing smile, he replied, "Oh, I was just passing through. What about you?"

Dean sighed, "Well, I guess you had to find out eventually."

"Find what out?" Since Dean's head was turned away, he didn't see the shark-like (or vampire-like) smile Benny had on his face, but the vampire certainly saw how the human's face flamed red. Seriously, he was  _adorable_.

"That ever since we met, I've been dashing in here to play with my penis. And pretend that you are doing it."

Benny blinked. He hadn't expected that. But seeing as Dean didn't move to make himself a bit presentable- not that it would change anything- the vampire grew bold.

"Touching your own penis is nice, but wouldn't you rather rub it against mine, darling?"

Dean spluttered for a moment, before choking out, "Of course- yeah- ohGodyesdefinitely. But... I thought you weren't interested..."

"Now what put _that_  idea into your brain, hon?"

The human sighed and remained quiet, not meeting his eyes. Benny could tell that he wanted to avoid the topic. The vampire leaned forward, insinuating himself into Dean's personal space, and finally Dean opened his mouth.

"I've seen the nude photomanips of Lisa that you keep in your cabin."

Benny blinked once again. He hadn't expected that either. Was this why Dean had been so distant ever since Benny had invited him to his lodge that one time? Oh, the poor, innocent human.

"Brother, I made them for Castiel. So he'd have something to do other than constantly have sex with me."

As sexy as Sextiel- _Castiel_ \- was, the vampire didn't have unlimited energy.

Dean was confused, though. "What's wrong with sex?"

Benny smiled, his canines visible, "Nothing. I'd just rather have a night of hustling with you."

Dean gulped, pupils dilated more than before. Benny's smile got wider.

**-x-**

****Lisa was dusting the altar when she heard it. It was muffled, but still, clearly a cry of pain. And she recognized it as Dean. Oh, _Dean_ , she smiled dreamily up at the high ceiling. She remembered their encounters quite fondly.

Hearing another cry, this one more anguished, she leapt up and went to investigate. Within seconds, she had reached the source of the cries. The noises were coming from under the table!

She lifted up the heavy tablecloth, only to drop it in shock as she stumbled backwards.

Benny was looming over Dean, trying to pull a cucumber- at least, that's what it looked like- out of his mouth!

"What the hel-ck?!" She amended the expletive coming out of her mouth. They were in a church, it wouldn't do to say anything like that. She took solace in the fact that what Benny and Dean were doing was more blasphemous than any profanity she could utter.

A hand lifted up the tablecloth, and Benny's worried face peeked out, "I was hustling Dean..."

The way he said hustling made it clear that it was an excuse, and a poorly thought out one at that. Still, they looked to be in pain, Dean in physical, Benny in emotional, so she humored them.

She raised an eyebrow, urging the vampire to continue, who said, "When he asked me to use the cucumber on him, I did. But then it got stuck."

"Mmph!" Dean thrasked around, winced, then stilled. In a barely discernable speech, he said slowly, "I told you too use it on my fucking _asshole_ , not my _mouth_!"

"I'm sorry!" Benny lamented, "I am so sorry."

Lisa looked closely at the two men. While she was jealous that she hadn't been able to do any _hustling_  with Benny, she couldn't deny the fact that Dean looked absolutely _miserable_  with the abused vegatable sticking out of his mouth.

"Why is it stuck in there?" She inquired.

"Well, Castiel had stopped by here some time ago, and he left something on the table. Dean was trying to get more practice on deep throating. So we decided to use the _something_  that Castiel had forgotten, which happens to be a dildo from The Incredible Hulk merchandise. But then it got stuck when he bit it by mistake, as you can see."

Lisa barely resisted hurling all over the floor, both in disgust and in morbid excitement. It was not a cucumber, it was a _green plastic cock_!

Still, she pushed aside her thoughts and forged on, "Perhaps I should help you both. After all, it can't stay there forever, can it?"

Benny looked at her with a combination of embarassment and gratitude, while Dean looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. It probably would, Lisa mused. The man was bound to go to hell after pulling such a stunt in a church.

The vampire nodded. "I will hold him by the tongue while you grab the dildo. Try to pull it out without pulling out his teeth too, but if you do end up with teeth, it's okay. He'd rather have a few less teeth than a cock in his mouth forever. Wouldn't you, darlin'?"

Dean glared but nodded, consternation present on his face.

Lisa knelt down and grabbed the cucum- no, _dildo_ , and felt it up inconspicuously. It was smooth, and now that she had come to terms with what it was, she could feel excitement running through her veins, turning her blood molten.

"Pull!" Benny instructed in a rough voice, and as he let go of Dean's tongue, Lisa carefully but swiftly retracted the plastic object.

"Fuck!" Dean cried out, voice scratchy from disuse but still garbled with saliva.

Miraculously, none of his teeth had come out, and as he felt his gums with his finger, he and the vampire both glanced up at Lisa. "Thank you," they said, in a truly grateful voice.

"Don't mention it," Lisa grinned. A thought came to her, and she voiced it. "Would you mind if I kept it with me, just as a souvenir?"

Benny nodded slightly and opened his mouth, but Dean interjected, "Yes, I mind. I have to use it on Benny tomorrow."

And the vampire looked totally on board with the idea, so Lisa didn't bother trying to convince them. "Ah, well, some other time maybe." Winking at both the men, she headed back in the direction of the altar.

And if she was hoping for the cucumber-like plastic phallus to get stuck in Benny's throat, in the house of God- where one shouldn't have such thoughts- well, no one had to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the SPN Coldest Hits challenge. March theme: Someone gets fucked by a vegetable. [This is the post where you can see why I lost my mind and decided to write this fic.](http://spncoldesthits.tumblr.com/post/139476843265/march-rules-reblog-this-post-to-enter-your-fic)
> 
> In case you didn't realize this- which is totally fine :)- this is crack. cArackCKCKK. Sorry, I mean crack. I think I was a bit crackyyy when I wrote carackckckk.
> 
> To my friends and/or subscribers from the 5sos fandom, whoever is bothering to read this (I'm sorry you had to read this) should go read other fics in this challenge and comment and leave kudos. Otherwise I'm not updating SAS till next year's March. Choice is yours and I'm pretty sure you like SAS enough to want me to update it. I mean the next chapter is ready. Wrapped up in pretty paper with bows. I will upload it in June if you do what I say. *incredibly sweet smile* I love you all.


End file.
